xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
