some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My penis needs a shock collar
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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