I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
