i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
