Got a toothbrush?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
