How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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