i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
