Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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