YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
