I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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