I wanna bring you to show and tell
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
