This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
