i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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