He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
