At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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