Christians are straight up FREAKS
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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