I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
