So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
