I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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