1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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