So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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