Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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