just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
