So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
