im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
