What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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