It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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