I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
