I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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