you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
