they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
