I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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