her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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