just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
