he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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