my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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