Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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