Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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