chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
