Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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