Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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