i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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