You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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