A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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