plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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