New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
