So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
