hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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