im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
