You made me cry and you don't even care
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
