i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
