He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
