Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
